Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
