can we get nightvision for the apartment?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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