Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
