I bet he comes in French.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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