I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
