is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
