Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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