That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
