I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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