He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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