the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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