Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
