They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The best revenge is premature balding
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
