the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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