I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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