Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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