Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just pee around me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
