Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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