I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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