He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
