the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
