Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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