I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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