he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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