I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
