What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
