i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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