wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
