he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
