your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
