Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
