all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
