you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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