I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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