Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you had me at cake vodka
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
