(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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