I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize