If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
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