I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize