My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
