you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Randomize