Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So much Jack, so little girl.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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