Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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