dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
