At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
