Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
