someone owes me an orgasm
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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