I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
