Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
