I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His hands were made for my vagina.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
