At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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