this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
