she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
