haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
