First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You may now shotgun with the bride
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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