dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
