That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
