I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
