I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
