Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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