the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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