well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I pour the whiskey from now on
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
