girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize