My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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