Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Randomize
