My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
