I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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