I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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