What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
