I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
