dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
